Thursday, April 24, 2014

Throwback Thursday: My Diary: The One With the Fake Magazine Interview


According to a very yellow piece of paper, I recorded this interview with myself on July 14th at 10:45pm. The year isn't mentioned but I'd say I was about 17/18. I typed it out and put it into my diary. I also called it "The Last Word" but it has nothing to do with Matt Cooper. Or an actual magazine. I'll explain anything ridiculous in italics.

What did you do on your last day off work?
I slept in until about 2pm, cause the night before seeing as I didn't have to be up early, I went on a mad bender and conked out for the best part of the next day! When I did get up, I caught up on my e-mails and watched crap American daytime TV in my PJs! (This never happened. And I had no e-mail account. Or job.)

What was the last film you saw at the cinema?
God, I can't even remember. I think it was Scary Movie. I kinda prefer waiting for videos lately, I tend to embarrass myself at the cinema quite a bit. (I have never embarrassed myself at the cinema. Unless you count falling asleep during The Santa Clause 3 and pissing my sister off, but come on. That movie didn't even need one sequel, let alone two. Also, videos. I miss videos.)

Where did you spend your last holiday?
In casualty in a hospital on the Isle of Man with a broken ankle. I have neither time nor interest to repeat that experience. (This is true. But it also implies that if I had the time, I'd go back and break it again. I wouldn't.)

What was the last thing that really made you cringe?
Ireland losing their last match in penalties. I was screaming at the TV and there was a moment that I thought we had it. There wasn't a person in the whole country who wasn't crying that Sunday. There was alot of drunken crying n' all! (Who are you. Seriously.)

What was your last big fashion mistake?
Ha! Every time I get dressed I commit a fashion crime, but I'm hardly worried. I prefer to follow my own style, even if I look desperately in need of a stylist! (Attitude: Admirable. Fact that I was writing this more than likely wearing those market-stall Adidos trakkie bottoms with poppers all down the sides: less admirable.)

What was the last present you bought somebody?
Um, apart from buying myself presents, I'm not sure! Does Xmas count? Ha. Um, actually, I think it was - this is embarrassing cause it's so small and stingy - it was a single on tape for my younger sister that she really wanted. It's the thought that counts, right? I also bought my Mam a bar of mint crisp from the petrol station last week, good, eh?! (Tapes and Mint Crisps. A simpler time.)

Can you remember your last dream?
I always have really vivid, weird dreams. The kind where I tell people and they're like, "WHA???!!" Last night I dreamt that I was stuck on a schoolbus, and I tried to ring my mam to come get me, but it was the middle of the night and I didn't know where I was and I couldn't get off the bus or get through to my mam's phone. My dreams are usually well weird. ("Well weird"? I didn't speak like that. Seriously.)

What was the last TV show you watched and enjoyed?
I'm a complete TV addict so to choose 1 would be sacrilege! I love "Bad Girls" but I'll tell you what I really love - really stupid shows like Jerry Springer and Ricki Lakes where they get freaky people on. (Ricki Lakes. Lakes. Lads.)

When was your last snog?
Too long ago! I've been single forever, there've been a few snogs here and there but nothing worth talking about. It gets depressing. There's someone I'd really like to get with, but we'll have to manage to be in the same place at the same time for a change! (I wish I could remember who that was.....also there most definitely were not a few snogs here and there, there were no snogs....probably because I was at home interviewing myself instead of out looking at boys....)

What was the last song you sang along to?
Oasis, Go Let it Out. Noel was dead on when he said that the album would be kick-ass. It's absolutely brilliant. (I never liked Oasis, I liked Blur. Also I just youtubed that song and I swear to God I don't remember ever hearing it before).

When did you last cook?
My mam had the dinner ready when I got up today, so it was last night. Oh, yeah, I microwaved a rasher last night at 12:30 and ate it watching telly. (I microwaved a rasher. Oh, Sharon.)

When did you last cry?
I dunno, probably during some stupid fight with my sister, my instinct is to fight back but sometimes it gets a wee bit out of hand and the waterworks start! I don't like crying cos it gives me a headache but I don't think there's anything wrong with a good noisy ball if you're in you're own home! (Everyone loves a noisy ball...)

What do you make sure you never leave home without?
Money cos I'd be screwed otherwise hahaha! My walkman is glued to me regardless of whether I'm in bed, the shop, or the pub. (Walkman!! Tell the truth, walkman with Aqua's first album on tape stuck in it...)

Who would you impersonate on Stars in Their Eyes?
After I'd been given the brandy, I'd make a stab at Nelly Furtado. If I was a bloke, I'd do David Gray, but obviously they'd wanna have a VERY good costume department for that to go off!! (I can just imagine myself up there....smelling of booze, warbling Babylon in my suit....also, "bloke?" I'm from Leitrim. Leitrim people don't say "bloke". )

Would you ever grass up on a mate to save yourself?
Absolutely Never. I'd make sure we were in it together, no one person would take the blame regardless. It's important not to let friends or especially family down whatever the circumstances. (Unless I have a sound alibi).

What is your worst habit?
Chewing my toenails and sticking them between my teeth, poking at my gums, not listening, twisting my hair into knots, talking in my sleep, picking the skin off my feet. Take your pick! (It's okay. I don't do any of these anymore. Promise.)

What is the best advice you've ever been given?
If you haven't got anything nice to say, don't say anything. I don't always do it but I wish I could. (This still stands!)

What is your favourite film?
There's no point even trying to answer that cause I can't choose. I love Vinnie Jones and Robert de Niro movies but I also liked Interview With the Vampire and Reservoir Dogs of course! (Of course!! In my absolute hoop, my favourite films were Hocus Pocus, Titanic, and all teen High School movies.)

And for your last words, what would be on your headstone?
"Don't turn off the lights". (What? WHAT? No idea. None.)

Walkman, Mint Crisps, Videos, Tapes, Snogs and Blokes. Says it all, really.....


  1. Loved reading through this. If only your past self knew you'd be doing this in the future :P

    1. I think I would have made a much better effort with my answers :s

  2. Amazing! I laughed so hard at this! And I learned that you can microwave rashers which I was previously unaware of!

    1. You can microwave ANYTHING! Except sausages. Never, ever microwave a sausage.

  3. Ahaha! Brilliant Sharon! "I microwaved a rasher" made me laugh so hard.

  4. LOL so funny. I love the way your younger self stretched the truth re movies and snugs and was then painfully honest about bad habits!

    1. I never even realised that before, Trish!! That's insane!!

  5. Omg, hilarious! If only we could go back to the simpler times of tapes and mint crisps!

    1. God, I know.. biggest expense back then was batteries for the walkman every few weeks!!

  6. Reading this post has just made my day... Brilliant Sharon :)
    "If I was a bloke, I'd do David Gray" heehee :):)

    1. Good God I know... I think this was during the time when I developed an obsession with trying to look cool so I bought Hot Press magazine when it was still a big newspaper - never heard of David Gray before I saw him in that!!

  7. I'm WETTING myself thats so funny!!!!!!


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