Monday, February 20, 2012

Here Comes the Bride.....zilla?

Yeah, I did it again. I'm starting to think that this regular blogging lark isn't for me, because I try so hard to post daily that I don't end up posting for weeks. I have nothing else to say, I was going to make up an elaborate excuse but really, I couldn't think of anything to blog about. Simples. But rejoice! Today I have a post. Granted, a post that's probably going to make me look like a complete bitka, but anyhoo. Here it is.

So, where have I been this time? A place none of you want to go. A place full of imbeciles, full of nincompoops (I don't really use that word in real life, I just really wanted to type it) and where I get a permanent, daily headache. This place has infested every area of my waking (and sleeping) life for the past month. It's a place that brings the worst out in people, has turned me into a raving obsessive lunatic, and made me question whether I actually like anyone I know. The place?

Wedding Planning.

Do you remember that programme 'Bridezilla'? Well, I'm starting to see the brides in a new light. BW (before wedding), I used to watch it thinking the women were heinous bitches who should count themselves lucky that anyone could tolerate them for five minutes, let alone marry them. Now? Okay, well, I still think that, but I also think that they would be less bitchy if people would do what they were told.

I'm not saying I've turned into an unbearable cow, I mean I haven't shouted at anyone (yet) or made demands. I have discovered, however, that I am an unbelievable control freak who doesn't want anyone to come next nor near me when I'm planning things. Himself is easy - he has no interest in details, so he's quite happy to leave it all up to me. There is a certain person who cannot accept this, and keeps "making suggestions" (ie planning and booking things behind my back). She brings out the Bridezilla in me, I swear to whatever entity is up there......

"Mammy doesn't eat beef." Firstly, who said your mother was invited? Is it a new thing now to phone ahead asking if there are certain foods people don't particularly like? Get the boat.
"You'll have to invite such-and-such". No, if you want to get married & invite whoever you want, go ahead. I won't be. As far as I'm aware, I haven't started shitting money.
"Who's your florist? You need a reputable florist." Who has a designated florist? My florists, well they are threefold. Mr. Aldi, Mr. Tesco, and Mr. Lidl. In all actuality, I'm going down the foam route - means I can get a lot more done ahead of time, and check these babies out - this isn't an actual bouquet or anything,  I just threw it together for a pic, but aren't the white ones lovely for foam?

"Oh, your mother's baking your cake? I actually wouldn't be a fan of traditional wedding cake." Well, I'm actually not a fan of bullshit, so eat it or don't eat it - I care not.

Le sigh. How did it come to this? How did I go from being a nail polish-loving chick with a penchant for 80s rock, to a raving psycho who dreams about crystal pins, organza, and getting stuck in a wedding dress? Considering I've taken it upon myself to DIY pretty much every aspect of the wedding (I think, now don't quote me, but I THINK I'm also an Internet Vicar. I have vague recollections of printing something out during a computer course in the early 00's. Technically I could marry myself) - I'm making the buttonholes, bouquets, decorating the church, making the centrepieces, invitations, favours, ring pillow, guestbook, thing to get people to sign the guestbook (I'm wavering between a chocolate tree and a fancy poem, I'm thinking chocolate would be superior to a witty yet touching poem printed in Edwardian ITC), thank you cards, and whatever else crops up.

I must go another bit now, I've to make a new appointment with my childhood priest to get my certificates - I was supposed to go yesterday but myself and himself slept in, missed mass, and then ate the cake that we'd bought for him.

It's a hard life alright.

S xx


  1. AH I Loved this! I had precisely 10 days to plan my own wedding and we also went down the DIY route. I put my foot down with guests though, we had 30 people, including us, I did finger foods in a buffet style and I had a chocolate cake. Cos I LIKE CHOCOLATE AND ITS MY EFFING WEDDING!

    We did everything on the cheap and eventually when I added up everything it came to a little over €800. Including rings, dresses, his outift, flowers, food, venue and booze. Although I would have spent more on my dress and I would have gotten a proper photographer if I had the budget.

    But its do-able. And I don't think I got too bridezilla... but then my in-laws were on a different continent when we married :)

  2. Hah what a brilliant post! Sorry it's such hassle but it'll be all worth it on the day, thanks for giving me such a laugh though!!:)

  3. Jeebus GWTSE I only saw this now! That's what I would have done if I was to do it again - I had great intentions of keeping everything simple.... but it's infectious. I stayed up until 5am the other morning bidding on a pair of silver wraps on eBay. What the HELL. You'd think I'd use my brains, go to bed early, and get up early. But no. Stayed up all night, hopped up on coffee and googling wraps, bags, shawls.... maniac. Smokeyeyes it better be worth it!!! Ah in fairness I've calmed down a lot, I just have ZERO patience, want everything done yesterday!! xx

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