Sunday, April 24, 2011

Ebay Weirdness: Top Ten (Picture Heavy)

I've used eBay in the past. It came in very handy before Christmas, when I had a big clearout and made enough money to buy some nice presents. Leaving aside the nuisance of having to deal with PayPal and getting the odd dodgy customer who wants something for nothing, in general - eBay=good.

I use, or its UK counterpart It's only recently that I've discovered the joys of the Big Daddy of eBay sites - Some of the listings make you wonder whether there are actually any sane people left on the Internet, while others are just ridiculous. Still - everyone loves a trier, so here are my top ten (in no particular order) strange eBay listings as of today (NOTE, some of the listings that actually made me burst out laughing are wayyyy too dirty to list here, but they're all there in the "adults only" category - knock yourselves out!):

1: Unexplained Man's Face With A Hat Appears on Hand Towel.

Seller: ohrob!
The description for this states that this hat-wearing man (which I don't see at all) appeared on the kitchen towel after cleaning a kitchen bread bin. All I have to say is - Dude, seriously. The dirt of it!! It's listed with a start price of $499.99, which is insane. What's more insane is that they've already had 1 offer on it.

2: Deluxe Bacon Wallet

Seller: eastcoastbooksellers
One word: GROSS! This is described as "whimsical". It's not whimsical, it's disgusting. Why would you want a wallet that looks like raw bacon? And what's deluxe about it? Is there a basic model? Lady Gaga has a lot to answer for...

3: Cocoon Bodyhose

Seller: fuxiao1970
This is a....well, they're not sure. It could be a dress, skirt, cocoon, 'blanket on', 'private space'. It's a 6foot long multi-functional nylon...thing. According to the seller, it's "like being inside a warm safe womb" "It is whatever you want it to be! Love me no reason!" Fair enough so...

4: Steve's Life Story.

Seller: sjyano422
Steve is selling the first 10 chapters of his life story. It is "a very unique story of a troubled male obsessed with atheism and black women." For $0.99 and free shipping, I don't know about you, but I'm intrigued.

5: Huge Funky Potato Chip Earrings (Punk Snack Food Jewelry)

Seller: team-zebra
Oh, the hilarity! Fake potato chip earrings! Amazingly funny, imagine the reaction you'll get from your friends!("Eh, I think there's a crisp stuck to your ear"). Described as being "Zero-fat fun for Dieters, Munchie-a-holics & Snack-a-tarians!" - clearly, the way to beat cravings is to dangle a replica of the object you desire from both ears. Obviously. They've sold 21 pairs of these, by the way. And 65 pairs of their replica cigarette ones. "There's no smoking in here". "But I'm not smoking, these are my earrings" "Oh, hahahahaha" "Yes, hahahahaha" etc, etc, etc.

6: Haunted Vintage 50s Doll with Goggle Eyes

Seller: iclord. She's watching Youuuuuu
Can't tear yourself away from those eyes? Me neither. This doll looks murderous!!! The old "haunted doll" trick is nothing new on eBay, but they don't usually look as creepy as this one. The description is hilarious: "She is 19" tall and 9" wide. But in the fear of ones mind she is 6'6 400lbs about to control your thoughts." Whoever buys her will receive her blindfolded, as the owner doesn't want her to find out what's happening. The winning bidder is welcome to either keep her or burn her. Can't....Stop....Looking...

7: A Hamburger From a German MC Donald Shop

Seller: dana79540
This is much, much more than a hamburger. This is PROOF that online translators cannot be trusted. I give you the description, in full: "A Hamburger from a German MC Donald Shop (that'd be McDonalds, then?): The hamburger is still not a day when he sent old. With  American hamburgers but not to vergleichen. Die Germans are much less, unfortunately. Much to offer in the fun." Not to be trusted, I tells ya. (Why is this listed for $25,000? How expensive ARE flights to Germany these days?).

8: 36 Red Syringe Pens

Seller: saveabuckenterprises
Up until now, there's been nothing that I'd buy. But these - I want them. All 36 of them. They're $18.95 for a box of 36, with free shipping. They'd be perfect for putting in Halloween Party Bags! Mind you, I'd use them every day. WANT.

9: The Greatest Facebook Page in the History of Facebook

Seller: trousersnakejake
This, on the other hand, is something I definitely DON'T want. This guy is selling his facebook page. If you buy it, you'll benefit from his 2900 friends - most of whom he claims are "hot chicks". The winner gets the page, but must remove all references to the owner. So, basically, he's selling his facebook friends. This is a charity listing with 100% of the profits going to charity, so I'm not going to be overtly mean, but what has the world come to when people are selling their flippin' facebook pages?!! This has 3 bids already, are people that desperate for popularity?

10: Alien Full Size Movie Prop

Seller: creepshowenterprises
An 8-foot tall solid replica of the icky dudes from the Alien movies. Sure what more could you ask for?

Here endeth the weirdness for today, let me know if you find anything strange for sale anywhere :)

S xx

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