In my bid to lose 5 stone in 2015, I'm mostly following Slimming World while doing a bit of regular walking/jogging and drinking a ridiculous amount of water.
Usually, about 3-4 weeks into a new routine, I get sick of it and I stop walking, eat rubbish, and don't fill my water bottle for days. When this happens, the Chinese gains greatly, and my waistline loses. I normally pull it back after a week or two but I'm sick of the cycle - I was in one such Chinese funk when a friend gave me details of the famed "3 Day Diet".
Sometimes called the Birmingham Hospital Diet, or the Miami Hospital Diet, or the Military Diet, or the 3 Day Chemical Diet, it's based on three days of very little food followed by four days of normal eating. Normal eating as in a healthy breakfast, lunch and dinner - not no breakfast, sandwiches, and chinese.
I'm not usually one for fads and I know that they don't work long term, but I have read so many mixed reports on this that I decided to give it a go.
Salt and Pepper are allowed, but no substitutions should be made.
I get up and decide to have a cup of decaff coffee with a splash of low fat milk. This is not on today's menu, but it's before 7am and I'm not thinking straight yet.
11am: I put off breakfast until after I do some house chores, so I sit down at 11am to a cup of green tea, a slice of 100% wholemeal bread (toasted, dry), a tablespoon of peanut butter, and half a grapefruit. This is okay! This isn't as measly as I thought it would be. It was nice and I cut the toast up into little pieces to make it last longer. Success!!
1pm: Boys go down for a nap and I'm hungry - usually now I would pick, but I decide that if I have dinner around 5pm, I can have lunch now. Lunch is a half cup of tuna - I just had a small can - and an ounce of cheddar cheese (just under 30g) with another piece of dry wholemeal toast. It was fine! Nice, even. But I would have liked some lettuce, onion, bit of sweetcorn and mayo, and another slice of bread. Had another cup of green tea.
3pm: I AM BLOODY STARVING. My stomach is making a noise that only dogs can hear. I cook chicken, sweetcorn and potatoes for everyone else and resist the urge to pick. Never before has a crispy buttery wedge of potato looked more appealing, so I serve dinner and get to chopping the carrots that are on the menu for my own dinner. I read somewhere that sometimes hunger is really thirst, so I fill my water bottle. Nope, it's definitely hunger. I put my dinner in the steamer and keep drinking water.
3:30pm: I can't wait any longer, I plate up my "dinner" - a cup of green beans, a cup of chopped carrots, and a piece of lean meat that's supposed to weigh 3oz - I have a piece of turkey breast that's about the size of a baby's hand. This looks like a baby dinner. It also looks really bland, so I use some pepper. The boys want pieces of carrot from my plate. I actually thought about it before handing them each a couple of pieces. JOEY DOESN'T SHARE FOOD!!
4pm: Weirdly, now I'm "allowed" an apple and a cup of ice cream. I have no idea how, or why, but I chop my pink lady up and mix her with a cup of HB vanilla. I'm full - for now.
7pm: I could eat a farmer's arse through a blackthorn bush. My eldest just came in with a bag of Galaxy minstrels and some Pringles. I eat
Right, this is it - game face on, let's do this properly! I wake up and have a cup of green tea.
10am: Breakfast is more green tea, dry wholemeal toast, a poached egg, and half a banana. It's fine, if a little small looking, and it fills me temporarily.
11am: Ready for second breakfast now, M'lord. More poxy green poxy tea.
12pm: Starving. Going to have lunch now - 5 saltine crackers, a half cup of tuna and more green tea. I'm not entirely sure what Saltine crackers are, so I googled, and the closest I could get were the Jacob's ones in the little snack packs. Surely to jaysus they don't mean 5 halves? I have the whole snack pack with my measly little can of tuna. It's all drier than a Nun's fandango and I have gained a new respect for mayonnaise and onions.
1pm: Must not pick at food must not pick at food must not pick at food have green tea
2pm: Must not pick at food must not pick at food eat other half of banana from breakfast
3pm: Must not pick at food must not pick at food must not pick at food have green tea
4pm: I have to have dinner, I'm going to faint with hunger. May be a slight exaggeration but I need FOOOOD. Dinner today is a cup of broccoli, a half cup of carrots, and........two beef franks? I would rather eat a ball of my own deep fried snot than eat frankfurters or hotdogs (snouts and ears) so that's not going to be happening. I have two turkey sausages instead. They're disgusting so I only eat one. I also have a shitload more broccoli, as in a whole head, because a cup of broccoli is tiny and I am a large hungry woman with a horrible sausage and have forgotten to put the carrots on.
5pm: I can now have half a banana but I ate that earlier, so I can have my vanilla ice cream again. I eat slightly more than a cup.
7pm: Husband arrives back home. This conversation happens.
Husband: "I'm a bit hungry, are you hungry?"
Me, through gritted teeth and trying to disguise stomach rumbles: "Ah, a bit. Not really."
Husband: "I'm peckish, would you eat a chinese?"
Me, considering the moral implications for all of two seconds: "Eh...I'd eat a small bit, yeah."
Husband: "What will I get?"
Me: "Spicy chips, smoked chicken, chicken wings, curry sauce and fried rice. And a can of 7up."
And there endeth my 3 Day Diet experience. I lost two pounds in two days - probably all water because I drank so much green tea that I was up and down for a wee constantly. I thought about food constantly. I thought about cooking and recipes and bread and cakes and pastries and pies and puddings and things I'd never even look at.
Absolutely not for me, back to ye olde tried-and-tested bottle of water a day, walk in the morning, and lots of veg and lean protein with limited carbs.
What's the stupidest thing you've tried for weight loss?