Thursday, January 2, 2014

Throwback Thursday - My Diary: The One With The Super-cool Philosopher.

Hi!

We're getting some work done in the attic at the moment, which meant that we had to completely empty it out this week. Amidst the bags of clothes that should have been fecked out long ago, was a box of stuff I'd brought up from my Mum's house at some stage. In it were remnants from my teenage years - Alanis Morrissette's Jagged Little Pill and Blur's The Great Escape on tape; A collage of loads of pictures of Scott Robinson from Five; a dried up bottle of Lancome Vernis Zapping peel-off nail polish; a signed photo of David Boreanaz; a Discman; and two notebooks I used as diaries.

Several people have said there's no way they'd be able to read their diaries back let alone type them up online - rest assured, my dignity went out the window when I was pregnant, so please, embrace the cringe with me and have a laugh.

Things you need to know before reading this:

I definitely hadn't had a first kiss or boyfriend at this stage.
I thought Sledge was an appropriate nickname for my sister. (Sister Sledge - lets all groan together at that).
I called myself Stone. (Sharon Stone. Continue the groaning.)
I spent 99% of my time in my room. Eating.
I watched an awful lot of American telly.
I was apparently quite patriotic at the time.


***Contains Swearing***

June 13th. Location: Bedroom. Mood: Confused.
I know that every time I write a diary that I always - okay, skip the shady introduction shit. I'm not a 12 year old. Blah blah mushy stuff first on the agenda, I saw my man again today. Yeah, that's right. The Shay Given lookalike with the army haircut and the earring and the sexy smile. Blah Blah. Give me a week and I'll have 4gotten him. Sledge gave me a book on Brooklyn Beckham 2 read and quite honestly I can't make much sense of it. Back in 5, I think I need a poo. Fucking pistachios.
This FUCKING PEN KEEPS WASting - hah, got my own back. Arsehole pen. Okay, the reason why I'm sitting on my bed wrapped in an Ireland flag, smoking myself to intensive care and watching Emmerdale? Complete boredom. You ever notice how if you leave shampoo standing, it goes all nice and tidy in the bottom of the bottle? If you look closely, there's a tiny curve in the middle of what seems to be perfectly straight. That's my theory on humanity. No matter how close you look, there's always something that's not quite right. Something.......bendy. I love you army haircut man. AS IF HE EVEN NOTICED ME, BLAHHHH. 

This page included a doodle of the Irish flag and a little box that said "sexy, soooo sexy".

*DIES OF CRINGE*


18 comments:

  1. LOL! Thanks for the laugh at the risk of your own humiliation! Believe me, I was no Anne Frank in my diaries either! Kuddos to your bravery!

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    1. Poor Anne Frank, writing diaries that changed the world, and I wrote about pistachio-induced bowel movements. No comparison, really ;-)

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  2. Absolutely frickin hilarious. Fair play for putting it up.

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    1. Sure if I can't laugh at myself at 30 there's no hope for me! Thanks for reading, Yvonne x

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  3. This has been my highlight of 2014 so far haha!! You are so brave!! Xxx

    www.squidgymoments.ie

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    1. Remind me of that when I get to the ones about boys :s xx

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  4. LOL I'm in stitches here Sharon thanks for sharing fair play for putting it up :-D I found my diaries when I moved in with hubby years and years ago and read every single one then burned them all.

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    1. Ah NO!!! I got rid of a good few of mine too, really wish I'd kept them! x

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  5. This is brilliant stuff! Wish I had kept a diary. Thanks for sharing can't wait for the rest ! Legend

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    1. Ah thanks Rosaleen, thank you for reading! x

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  6. Hilarious! Was laughing away out loud to myself. Looking forward to more installments!

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    1. Thanks B, hopefully it will be funny and not just mortifying! x

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  7. Hah ha ha ha ha!! "Fucking Pistachios", I can just imagine it in a grumpy teenagers voce too! Brilliant stuff! x

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    1. Oh I was the epitome of a grumpy teenager!! Must try and find some pictures from around that time, I'm fairly sure I avoided cameras between the ages of 12 and 18 though ;-)

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  8. ah god that is hilarious! I burned my diaries years ago just in case anyone found them. This is brilliant! I cannot wait to see the rest. x

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    1. I think a lot of mine were dumped when I moved home and we cleaned out my old room, gutted! xx

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  9. That is brilliant...I found my son has been writing in a notebook, he's 9!!! Don't want to tell him that I know in case he stops doing it!!!

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    1. Ah bless him, that's adorable! Don't say a word :) x

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Talk at me!